Review: 'Masters of the Universe' revives the '80s toy commercial, er, TV show into an action franchise with no brains
I acknowledge that I am not the recommended audience for “Masters of the Universe,” for two important reasons: 1) I was too old to be a fan of the oversized toy commercial of an animated series that ran from 1983 to 1985; and 2) I have a functioning brain in my head.
Apparently the folks at Mattel thought they could turn their intellectual property into the same type of crowd-pleasing movie that they did with “Barbie.” They did this without considering that the “Masters of the Universe” toy franchise didn’t spark children’s imaginations the way Barbie dolls did — because the cruddy TV show did all the work there.
The series was centered on Prince Adam of Eternia, who would wield a magic sword that — with the incantation of the words “By the power of Grayskull! I HAVE THE POWER!” — would turn him into the hyper-muscular He-Man. Our hero had friends and allies, including the armored Man-at-Arms, the brave Teela and a talking green tiger named Cringer, aka Battle Cat. The villain, Skeleton, was a talking skull with a ripped body.
The names were dumb on purpose, so children wouldn’t get confused when buying the corresponding toys. In this new movie version, that becomes a running joke, as the names were given out by young Adam when he was 10 years old.
The movie shows Prince Adam as Adam Glenn (played by Nicholas Galitzine), a hapless cubicle dweller in Oklahoma City who has vague memories and childhood drawings of his youth as a prince on Eternia. To set this up, we see a younger Adam witnessing Skeletor’s takeover of the kingdom, defeating Duncan, aka Man-at-Arms (Idris Elba), who’s trying to protect Adam’s parents, the king (James Purefoy) and queen (Charlotte Riley). Only fast thinking by The Sorceress (Morena Baccarin) gets Adam and the magic sword to safety on Earth.
It takes an attack from a monster, The Beast, to allow Adam to connect back to Eternia — when his former childhood friend, Teela (played all grown up by Camila Mendes) arrives on Earth to rescue him and return him to his home world. That world is dark and depressing, thanks to Skeletor and his chief aide, the witchy Evil-Lyn (played by Alison Brie).
Will Adam discover his power? Will he rescue Eternia from Skeletor’s grip? Will Teela and Man-at-Arms, her inebriated father, reconcile their differences? If you can’t guess the answers to those questions, then first grade must have been rough.
The casting of Jared Leto as Skeletor is worth a moment to reflect, mostly on how horribly the Oscar-winning actor’s career has gone the last few years. The last few years, Leto’s movies have included “Tron: Ares,” “Haunted Mansion,” “Morbius” and “House of Gucci” — stinkers all. At least with “Masters of the Universe,” Leto could have denied involvement, as Skeletor’s bony mask never comes off. You have to admire Leto’s commitment to the bit, even if the performance is as much a mess as the rest of the film.
Galitzine, who was fun in “The Sheep Detectives” and the Anne Hathaway romance “The Idea of You,” is fine as the goofy and gallant Prince Adam. But the only performer who doesn’t act like they’re above this nonsense is Brie, who actually understands the assignment of playing a campy villain.
The real mystery here is who director Travis Knight (“BumbleBee”) thought he was making “Masters of the Universe” for. The tone veers from strained attempts to joke about the franchise’s dumb-as-dirt characters or earnest scenes of the hero learning his purpose. And because the movie tries to have it both ways, trying to be either self-satire or inspirational fantasy adventure, it fails to connect either way.
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‘Masters of the Universe’
★1/2
Opens Friday, June 5, in theaters everywhere. Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence/action, some suggestive material, and language. Running time: 140 minutes.