Review: 'PAW Patrol' sequel, 'The Mighty Movie,' gives our dogs superpowers, but doesn't give them anything interesting to do with them

One of the most insulting things you can do to a kid — and I know I’ve done it a few times in my life — is to talk over their heads, speaking to other grown-ups as if the little ones can’t hear you. It’s something the makers of the kid-targeted “PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie” do repeatedly, and it makes for one annoying little movie.

It starts when the seven heroic dogs of the PAW Patrol are called to rescue the owners of a junkyard, who have been locked in their office trailer as a fire rages amid the wrecked cars. One of the junkyard operators, Janet (voiced by Kristen Bell), describes the PAW Patrol in one line of dialogue: “They’re dogs who drive cars. Just go with it.”

Isn’t that funny? It’s like the filmmakers are saying, “Hey, we know this is stupid crap — but it’s OK because your little monsters like the pretty colors and think dogs are cute.” Not thinking about the fact that those kids are listening, and can feel the derision oozing from every frame.

The culprit in the fire is an evil genius, Victoria Vance (voiced by Taraji P. Henson), who needed the junkyard’s electromagnet to complete her tractor beam, which she aims to use to pull a passing asteroid to Earth, so she can use its power for — well, that part’s kind of vague, as if Victoria, or the screenwriters, haven’t thought things through that far.

When the asteroid lands, the PAW Patrol gets there first, and seven power crystals emerge to latch onto the pups’ dog tags. The dogs discover that the crystals give each of them superpowers. For example, the resident pilot, Skye (voiced by Mckenna Grace) gains super-strength — a big boost to her self-esteem, which is rather battered because she’s the smallest of the group.

Director Cal Brunker and co-screenwriter Bob Barlen, who collaborated on the first “PAW Patrol” movie in 2021, set up a series of confrontations with the dogs on one side and the scheming Victoria — aided by the returning Mayor Humdinger (voiced by ) — on the other. Our heroes face some adversity, as well as a flashback sequence practically stolen from “Toy Story 2” (with Christina Aguilera providing the sad ballad instead of Sarah McLachlan), on the way to a happy ending.

Adults in the audience will wonder why some actual famous people — Bell, James Marsden, Chris Rock, Lil Rey Howery, Serena Williams and Kim Kardashian — signed on to supply voices here, sometimes just for one line of dialogue. The answer’s simple: What better way to make your kindergarten-aged kid think their parents are cool than to snag tickets to the premiere, or (in the case of Kardashian) spots in the voice cast?

Everyone in the audience, adults and kids alike, will be wondering how something this slight and inconsequential became a franchise capable of producing a TV series and two (soon to be three) theatrical films. Adults and all but the most polite kids will be squirming in their seats, wishing some cute dogs could rescue them from boredom.

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‘PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie’

★★

Opens Friday, September 29, in theaters everywhere. Rated PG for mild action/peril. Running time: 85 minutes, plus a 7-minute short, “Dora and the Fantastical Creatures.”